osakarob's blog
Trash talk or just trash?
I’m not a trash talker and nothing in my profile suggests that verbal taunting is a thing I enjoy. No judgement against anyone who incorporates it into their matches….just not something I’m into personally.
So you can imagine how surprised I was to get an unsolicited message that started out with no introductions and instead just went immediately into silly taunting. Does this seem like normal behavior? Did I over-react by blocking?
I’ve copied the entire exchange below.
Trash Talker: “Ok, lets get something straight here. This is a website for wrestling and fighting. Its NOT a Cabbage Patch Doll modeling agency website.”
Osakarob: “Huh? I’m sorry. I don’t understand why you messaged me that.”
Trash Talker: “Right! Just like im sure that if I pinned you to the ground, you would be all like “Huh?? I don’t understand why you pinned me!!!”
Osakarob: “Dude, seriously. I don’t know what you are trying to say. Cabbage patch modeling agency?! Wft.
Trash Talker: “Have you ever seen a Cabbage Patch doll? Google it!”
Osakarob: “I don’t get you, man. Are you trying to say I’m a Cabbage Patch doll?! What the fuck, dude. Seriously. Try to better articulate what you are trying to say, or else I’m blocking.”
Trash Talker: “You aren’t the most absorbent tampon in the box, are you? Yes, I was comparing you to a Cabbage patch doll. DUH!!!!”
Osakarob: “You are a very strange dude. If this is how you approach people for the first time, you might want to try a different tack. It probably explains your "0 past opponents".
Trash Talker: Yeah, usually when guys start talking about meeting up for fighting/wrestling, they begin with the whole tea and crumpets pleasantry thing. And so far ive had 3 appointments for fighting and all of them were no-shows because they were too afraid to fight me!”
Osakarob: “Allow me to offer some unsolicited advice. If you are trying to make new friends - especially ones that you hope to connect with for a match - you might not want to start out immediately with crazy trash talk. If that’s your thing; cool. Some people like that. But you might not want to LEAD with it.
I’m sure you’ll make more friends by approaching guys with a compliment about their profile. Or ask for more details about what kind of match they’d like and whether you’d be a good fit as a potential opponent. Plenty of time to bluster, trash talk, and tease after you get to know each other. Best of luck in your search.”
Trash Talker: “Ok, here goes. Your profile is really nice. So, with that out of the way, can I start talking like a true warrior male?”
Osakarob: “C’ya, dude. Hope you find what you are looking for.“
The trash talker was then blocked by me. It’s only the second time I’ve ever blocked anyone.
BamaJDon41 (10 )
2019-12-16 05:03A Cabbage Patch Doll reference seems almost like a strained attempt at ice-breaking humor. But I can't imagine introducing yourself with any kind of trash talk is going to go well unless a guy's profile introduction is just asking for it.
nu2rasln (43)
2019-12-16 05:04Lol, Good for you Rob! After given him plenty of opportunities to re assess the problem, he just did not want to listen.
JasonFL (23)
2019-12-16 05:15So are we allowed to guess which psychotic this is?????
With ObamaCare, you'd think they would get the meds they so desperately need!
osakarob (79 )
2019-12-16 17:15(Som svar till detta)
@ Jason FL: I won't mention who it is, but I'll acknowledge that all his bluster contributed to particular city's nickname as the Windy City.
Tynesider (84)
2019-12-16 08:40Personally I think his approach was slightly odd but no-one forced you to continue the conversation. You could have just stopped responding or blocked him immediately. It seems you are wanting people to support your decision to block this man but you don't need to. You are an adult who is entitled to make his own decision.
Apologies if I have misunderstood you.
osakarob (79 )
2019-12-16 17:19(Som svar till detta)
Thanks, Tynesider. I agree that the old argument of "nobody forced you to continue..." is valid here. In fact, I think most guys would just block immediately.
But something in the back of my mind urged me to continue dialoguing with him. I have read so many blogs and comments on this site with guys furious for being blocked for no reason. Or equally, lots of people express frustration with sending messages and not getting any response.
I mostly wanted to see if he would "self correct" and maybe drop the trash in order to forge a possible connection or real world meeting.
Tynesider (84)
2019-12-16 18:31(Som svar till detta)
Thanks for explaining. If you think he may be worthwhile consider giving him a second chance.
I know from my own experience that it can be difficult to know guage how to approach someone. I complimented one man on his body and his response was "WHAT???" then blocked me.
Andi2 (3)
2019-12-17 03:36(Som svar till detta)
That was my first thought. If someone where to message me with an insult like that I wouldn't even engage them any further. fortunately I haven't had the need to block anyone for offensive trash comments. I have had a few that want to say something offensive to me but they end up just blocking me for no apparent reason. I have had people challenge me and either want me to kick their ass or kick mine, but even in that case I don't block unless they are persistent.
FerrelFighter (41 )
2019-12-16 14:37I am also put off by guys who start right in with trash talk. But I have found that it is often guys who have 0 past opponent who do this, because they are really only into cyber and not up for a match IRL. To each his own. I am not into cyber, and not into long drawn out trash talk. I just want to wrestle with real men.
JasonFL (23)
2019-12-16 19:17(Som svar till detta)
Not only are they only really into cyber but they are the "forgotten" ones who do anything so that anyone, anybody, will pay attention to them and acknowledge their existence. It's kind of sad, actually.
nu2rasln (43)
2019-12-16 17:54Good point Rob, He just didn't get it
osakarob (79 )
2019-12-16 23:24Since the guy in question had 0 opponents, I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. And I probably still would because it’s scary to meet up with a stranger, especially for the first time.
But it just didn’t seem like he was willing to budge from his chosen “approach”.
As I’ve gotten older and had my share of disappointing matches, I’ve come to the conclusion that it pays to try to establish a rapport before meeting face to face. I’d like to know what the opponent wants.
Maybe someone can offer a tutorial to effective trash talking? 😊
SileX (207 )
2019-12-17 10:54When you negotiate, you have to do two things: listen to what the other person wants and tell them what you want. (By extension, you also have to listen to what they don't want and tell them what you don't want.) You have to do this in a friendly but assertive manner so the other party knows what they are dealing with.
You can disengage from a negotiation if there is no suitable overlap in what you both want or when the other party refuses to listen to you. Again there's no need to judge, just a friendly-but-assertive statement that good luck but you are looking for something else.
Most of the time this is enough.
Tynesider (84)
2019-12-18 16:37(Som svar till detta)
Good advice.