mason brooks's blog
The milk of human kindness
Yet do I fear thy nature,
It is too full o' th' milk of human kindness
To catch the nearest way.
-Macbeth Act 1, scene 5, 15–18
It’s no secret that most of us enjoy the sexual aspects of wrestling, and that, when it comes to sex appeal, some of us are more blessed than others. Much has been written about the tendency of gay men to compare ourselves to others and to become depressed when confronted with images of idealized male bodies. I keep this in mind whenever I receive a match request from someone who, for one reason or another, isn’t my type. Plenty of guys have turned me down over the years, so I know that rejection can sting, and the last thing I want to do is make anyone feel worse about themselves simply because they don’t have a perfect body. My standard response is something like, “Sorry, I’m not interested in meeting up, but I wish you the best of luck.” I want to be polite and kind, but also to be clear in communicating my lack of interest, since there’s nothing I hate more than being led on.
It’s frustrating, then, when I turn a guy down, and despite my effort to be polite and kind, he becomes abusive. Today I gave the response above to a guy who was a little out of shape and had no previous matches in 4 year—usually a red flag, but he had been very complimentary about me and my videos. He responded,
“K can see your just a conceided prick so the compliments I take back you don't deserve them. Your nothing but a shallow heartless coward who thinks they are better than everyone else your younger than me but have the face of an old man. I feel sorry for your family loser.”
I’m on a wonderful vacation with my boyfriend right now, but I can’t stop thinking how sad and lonely this person’s life must be to lash out in this way. It reminds me of all the times I’ve felt down after a guy liked my body but not my face, or told me I just wasn’t his type, and it bothers me that I contributed to someone else feeling that way. He blocked me after sending the insulting message, but if I could reach out to him, I would encourage him to think about doing something kind for another person as a way to counteract the self-hate that seems to drive his anger.
Lady Macbeth feared her husband was too nice to succeed, and although the Scottish play is a tragedy, it’s hard to disagree that both characters get what they deserve. We are joined by our desire to engage in physical struggle, to test our strength against others, and to connect on a primal level. But that doesn’t mean we have to be animals to each other, or view each other as pieces of meat. We should endeavor to treat the guy we want to pin down and fuck with as much respect as the guy we don’t. The milk of human kindness is a precious commodity, and when our community devolves into name-calling and verbal abuse, we have only ourselves to blame.
brilliant n buff (30 )
2019-03-23 01:49Go enjoy your vacation; you deserve it.
One needs to respect the preferences of others and that means accepting rejection with respect.
Plus you have a great face: one I would like to lock in a full Nelson!
bayridgefighter (3 )
2019-03-23 05:57Boy Mason Brooks that's an evil made to you by this no face entity. Does even have the guts enough to give us his profile image. I don't know who's right or wrong here but that's a low blow to you..
edscissors (31 )
2019-03-23 08:50What a sad story. You sound like a kindly, considerate person and deserve better. As you suggest, having an approach rejected (or even just ignored) isn't much fun but that sort of response is totally unjustified.
Enjoy your holiday!
hugefan (80)
2019-03-23 09:24Personally I don't find a polite refusal hurtful, just disappointing. Sometimes I ask someone who might be my fantasy knowing I probably won't be theirs but nothing ventured nothing gained ( I'm thinking that might be a bit of Shakespeare too) However I do get a bit peeved when I write a longish message filled with all my selling points (Yes I have some) and then the possible opponent can't be bothered replying no thanks. Still I would never follow up with a nasty message, we all have the right to say no thanks. I guess it's something about the semi anonymity of the online world that makes people feel they can be offensive without consequences but that's no excuse.
Thanks for the post and giving me an excuse to look at your hot profile.
edscissors (31 )
2019-03-23 10:00Hugefan: I agree that the lack of any sort of response is disappointing, not to say impolite. If you are an international wrestling star receiving dozens, maybe even hundreds of messages maybe that's a bit different ... but most of us mere mortals are definitely not international wrestling stars so a short, polite reply just keeps the wheels oiled on our mostly friendly, tolerant site.
That said, I have had contact with several very well-known people on here and they all take trouble to reply kindly. It's part of what makes them great people. Not Shakespeare, I know, but they do say "manners makyth man".
bayridgefighter (3 )
2019-03-23 11:43(Som svar till detta)
What's right manners and social responses to make a man not just Macho fist punching responses on the Mats which many of us fantasize for but it doesn't make the man....
hugefan (80)
2019-03-23 10:27Yes most guys on here are polite, perhaps the few who completely ignore me take my frequent references to stalking seriously. I might try again 6 months later so I'm a very mild stalker ha ha
Jedi (38)
2019-03-23 20:22I applaud your post's focus on kindness and empathy, as well as your thoughtful approach to communication. Very "golden-rule".
Red-Flags should not be followed blindly, but should always be respected; our subconscious is really good at picking up on concerning patterns and alerting us. Complements early in a conversation are a red-flag; its an attempt to manipulate our perceptions of a person. I imagine, had the conversation continued, or a meeting been planned, other issues were likely to arise, or the meeting would have been a "no-show".
mason brooks (123 )
2019-03-23 20:40(Som svar till detta)
Thanks, those are really good points.
KidLeopard (42)
2019-03-25 18:54I think there is an added onus placed on those of us who are not just recreational wrestlers but very public ones as well. It's often a balancing act of not wanting to burst someone's bubble but also needing to be true to oneself. To thine own self be true. Now how many wrestlers quote Shakespeare? What an interesting lot we are!
mason brooks (123 )
2019-03-25 20:39(Som svar till detta)
How many wrestlers quote Shakespeare? Not enough! 😘
littleforbigg (3)
2019-07-06 08:24(Som svar till detta)
Not to mention, from ur other blog, quoting Blanche Devereaux....although reading that one made me think of a certain “politician”.
ironranger (71)
2019-05-17 14:07As disappointing as it might be to hear, the truth is always best. I'd much prefer a response like yours over being ignored or strung along. And yes I've been guilty of giving a lame "we'll see" in a misguided attempt at preserving feelings, and that's wrong. You were thoughtful and honest. We can't control how others react, just how we react. I always walk away from such exchanges knowing I don't know what the other person's history or life experiences are that might be tempering their response. You seem a quality person, and I'm glad I saw this post.
Yngrasslr00 (137)
2019-06-20 22:59I'm not gonna lie I have had similar experiences and (sad to admit) have been on both ends of the situation. In most cases if I reach out and want a match, the form of rejection I get is silence which is just the rudest thing in my book since I always reply with an answer one way or another. When encountering guys who seem to match up with me in every way possible and then they say no, it does affect me more than it should even with the number of past opponents I possess. Especially with other smaller dudes (which is a rarity on here as the average size wrestler on here is 180-200 pounds, putting me on the bottom of the spectrum)...so rejection from guys who I (and others who comment or ask if I ever matched up with so and so) find appealing to wrestle can sting a bit more when it is someone who seems to match up with u in various ways.
People think those of us with long lists of opponents have high standards, people flooding g lour inbox daily or do t think they will mind not wrestling someone since clearly they are "popular" which mostly isn't true for those of us over 100 opponents I've come to find out, we mostly just have looser standards to meet lol. But everyone is entitled to their preferences as I have mine and have been more selective as of late. Doesn't change the fact that rejection is a hard thing to take and maybe even harder to give in a humane way that doesn't denigrate our character or reduce us to pieces of man meat.
I've even had matches with guys who were not exactly my type and had a surprisingly good time. And those who I waited years to meet the match didn't live up to the hype, so it can be a toss-up, we just gotta ask if it's worth the time and energy for such a risk I guess.
QuinnUK (51)
2019-08-06 08:43Pity that he blocked you. Someone really needs to give him a few pointers about his spelling, grammar and punctuation.
Transatlantic (47)
2019-09-04 21:52Very beautiful sentiment! How do we create a network of kindness in the gay world! Kind words, honesty and forthright commentary without being abusive, hurtful and vindictive.
It can be tough to navigate this space but I really liked your thoughtful response. So human and authentic it touched me a lot.
Lkn4awrestletoy (108 )
2021-11-16 12:15Love both of your blog posts, Mason…what a gifted writer you are…that goes along with your obvious gifts as a wrestler…two words each beginning with ‘WR’. Is that consonance as a writers technique or just coincidence…no matter, both things are true. All that as predicate for the dilemma of turning down/being turned turned down by another wrestler here or anywhere for that matter. I commiserate…who wouldn’t if they’ve been around these sites for any period of time? It’s life being life and we just have to deal with it…I’m such a philosopher. My compliments to you nonetheless.
Lkn4awrestletoy (108 )
2021-11-16 12:29(Som svar till detta)
Being doubly turned down is the worst of the worst and a typo I couldn’t correct…oh my!!!