ChrisWrestling's blog

So, if you have read some of my more personal blogs you will already be somewhat familiar with my history. Like many I think a minor interest in wrestling started in Jr. High but I was busy with swim team and music and drama. In high school I really doubled down on theatre and music rather than sports. My college was an arts college that didn't have sports and the Kings Wrestling Club in Seattle had already closed down. Honestly my identifying as straight at the time and discomfort with my sexuality, despite having discovered BGEast, I hadn't really thought to start wrestling til I was in college and my opportunities had dried up.

I contented myself with rolling with people off of headlock which became globalfight before gruntsNgroans came out, then takedown, and now meetfighters. 20 years is a longass time. Anyway, my husband got me a month of BJJ training for my birthday about 11 years ago and I got hooked. I've always loved BJJ but despite being blessed with really open and welcoming schools I never really felt like I fit in. Still don't to this day, maybe more now than back then as I have been really struggling with aging and not having any endurance to speak of. I feel like more of a burden to my school than a student that brings his A game every time. I want to tough it out but I also don't want to associate BJJ with nausea.

This last fall I went down to visit my friend, Grant, and he's involved with the organization of the Sin City Classic and he was really badgering me to compete in Freestyle even though I had 0 training in any pin style. Reluctantly I signed up, hired a personal trainer to try to get my endurance up (it didn't actually help) and I started watching videos on youtube and reading every book I had on it and none of that really mattered. What did help is that I put myself on a training diet and stopped drinking for 4 months leading up to it.

Now, I have severe competition anxiety that's downright debilitating. My gut goes wild and I almost got disqualified at a tournament for being in the bathroom when I got called 2 hours earlier than expected. I was fairly miserable when I got to Vegas. The Horseshoe is a horrible hotel, I don't care for gambling and it's predatory nature, everything smells like tobacco and bad cologne and I knew virtually no one when I got there. It was so bad I almost spent the whole time in my hotel room but I decided to go to the welcome dinner but because I didn't know anyone and wasn't on facebook anymore I had no idea who I was looking for so I leaned on Grant way too much and he wasn't even going to dinner. When I finally got to the group the only seat left was behind a bigass column so I couldn't see anyone except the guy sitting next to me who wasn't even competing. The gaggle of cougars that sat down to my left didn't help things.

Then the training day came and I got pounced on by some of the guys I spoke to online and a couple others and so many people were trying to make me feel welcome that I actually started to relax. This was just the training day so I didn't need the high anxiety. Once warmups started I fell into my routine despite being in a singlet. It helped that I wasn't the only one. At this point I got so excited to finally, after over 20 years of wanting to do folk/freestyle I finally got my first lesson and I would have stayed there all day if my body would have let me. This was also the first time I finished a training session and really felt like a man. I felt unusually masculine and not in a toxic way.

For the tournament itself my nerves were at less than 10% of what they usually were. After all I had my new friends to keep me company and it was so much fun watching the other guys compete. I did my first match and won pretty quickly and felt pretty good about myself. I found that my opponent was not feeling that great about it so I sat down with him and watched the match with him to see if we could use it as a learning experience and that seemed to really help him. My second match didn't go so well as my opponent got badly injured. I spent the next hour watching the video over and over again to confirm that I did nothing wrong, that he threw me and landed on his arm and it broke and that really is what happened. I still carry some guilt with me but I was happy to hear today that he is doing what he can to be involved in his training even though he can't really train himself for a while. Having being benched myself for 3 years I know how rough that can be. The people there were really supportive about the incident and I realized that despite training BJJ with mostly the same people for 10 years I really didn't feel like one of them. In Vegas I was surrounded by people who loved training and rolling and were openly gay and the catharsis of it all relaxed me. I was with my people.

It really isn't enough to go to this once a year. 3 days out of the year being where I love doing what I love just isn't enough. I want to train BJJ with my people. I want to train folk/freestyle with my people. Nothing against the straights but this is the community I need for myself. I want to start a club here but I don't want it to be watch a youtube video and train sort of thing, I want a passionate coach who knows how to develop wrestlers. I want to train seriously like a D1 college athlete even at 40 years old.

Honestly, I've developed a fantasy of being a wrestling object/slave. I don't get to choose what I eat, when I eat, I get up way too early to get my cardio in, get back and fuel up before class/drilling. Fuel up, go do my workout. Just really be a machine. This is my addiction, my midlife crisis, this is who I am.

Översätt
Senaste redigerade 2025-02-10 23:45 av ChrisWrestling; 5 kommentar(er)
Permalink
88%

Being Discreet

Hi and welcome to what may end up being my most controversial blog post ever but it has been something that has been on my mind for well over a decade and I really haven't spoken about it. Before I get into it let me clarify that consent is very important to me so I will respect you if you're not comfortable being out. I don't record or take photos without explicit consent... so how to talk about this without being a dick?

There are understandable layers to discretion like you don't want photos or pics or if there is going to be filming or photos you want to wear a mask etc but I think there needs to be some perspective on the discretion to the level of paranoia that I encounter all the time. I'm talking about the ambiguous, oh my gawd what do you think I'm going to do, discretion hounds. No, I'm not going to show up to your house in the middle of the night in a hoodie and sunglasses to wrestle, that's not necessary. No, no one has actually asked me to do that but so many guys are so scared that if I don't promise something ridiculous they won't meet up.

I will acknowledge that idiots exist. Some guys might see you sitting at a restaurant with others and approach you and start talking kink shit but they are a minority.

I have encountered guys in Seattle who won't meet for coffee to build rapport unless it's in Federal Way where they don't know anyone. Come on, dude, I've already offered to come to you to a convenient spot in your area and the odds of someone seeing you are low, the odds of someone you know hearing the scandalous stuff we're talking about (it's wrestling guys, kids do this) is even lower, and if someone does see us tell them I'm a friend from kindergarden or some other b/s.

Most of the matches I do film don't have sexual contact and we're in singlets. Again, some kids start wrestling in elementary school, adults do BJJ, there are adult wrestling clubs (rare but they do exist). Some of you guys act like wrestling is scandalous as you filming your own version of two girls one cup! Yeah yeah yeah your job, whatever. I get that Trump is demolishing LGBTQ protections and these are dark times but is your boss really going to fire you for loving a sport? That's lawsuit worthy if they do.

So, no, I'm not walking up to your door in just a singlet or speedo or thong or even a gi. I will be just a guy coming over to visit or you can come to my place, it's a little messy but I have mats and I keep them very clean. If you can't trust enough that no one is going to out you then how can you trust someone to roll with you? People get injured, they get choked out, there are very real vulnerabilities to this sport so if you can't have a little faith then you have no business meeting anyone.

Those are just my two cents.

Översätt
Senaste redigerade 2025-02-10 04:43 av ChrisWrestling; 3 kommentar(er)
Permalink
100%

This kind of comes from several interactions I have had leading up to my trip to Brazil as well as conversations I've had here. Now, keep in mind, this is my first real trip abroad where I have been a real minority who is vulnerable for not speaking the language, knowing the culture, or knowing how to stay safe. The US has a tendency to fearmonger about Brazil more than I feel is actually deserved but that doesn't mean that extra precautions shouldn't be taken. The quality of living standards here are notably lower than Seattle which leaves the place a little unkempt and sketchier looking. That being said, I had a lovely stroll tonight to a restaurant by myself and back to my hotel and it was kind of the first time where I felt that the place was actually pretty nifty.

To prepare for being a foreigner I reached out to several guys, two of them were happy to have me stay with them and the first one so far were great hosts (Brat Tamer and his boyfriend). I mostly knew what I was getting into with them and while in some ways my expectations weren't perfectly met they were truly fantastic hosts and we spent most of the time together laughing (not to mention that they are an adorable couple who are obviously head over heels for one another, so cute). As we got closer to actually meeting we moved to WhatsApp as MF has a tendency to go down. They were also forthcoming with where I was going.

This is part of why I'm writing this post as I'm sitting here in my last minute hotel after GOL (the airline) bumped me from my flight to one early tomorrow morning. This was partly my fault as I was supposed to fly to Sao Paulo tonight and stay in Osasco to meet someone else tomorrow. I chose not to because Osasco is not a nice place I was eager to stay in and it was really starting to look like my opponent tomorrow was going to flake on me.

You see, the first impressions people have of you are when they either see your watchfighters channel or read your profile and too many people just say fuck it with their profiles. The person in question was good on both those fronts which is why I wanted to meet him. He also has a significant number of supposedly happy past opponents. As much as I like the past opponents feature of this site it is far too easy to flag someone and then get flagged in return with no real moderation of flagging so as much as having 50+ recommendations on your profile is... it doesn't mean you can phone in the rest.

Flakes have a tendency to withhold information like specific locations, external communication requests, and the person in question was dodging those questions. I've seen it plenty of times and one would hope it wouldn't happen when you've flown 18+ hours to be somewhere to meet someone and you aren't confident in the safety of the location. It also didn't help that the people I stayed with and several of the people I'm meeting in this trip voiced that the person in question had a big ego, wasn't comfortable with their sexuality, and has a bad attitude if they don't win. Yikes!

So I asked him again for the critical info and he didn't respond leading me to tell him that I had decided to change my itinerary and that I would be skipping Sao Paulo and going straight to Rio to which he responded toxically.

The lesson I hope people take from this is that your profile/watchfighters is nothing more than a resume, your conversations are an interview to determine if you are a fit. In these conversations is does no one any good to misrepresent yourself in any way. No one is expecting a perfect fit but honesty and authenticity go a very long way... as does enthusiasm. I say that last bit because no one wants to roll with someone who isn't enthusiastic about meeting you. Logistics, especially with out of towners is not something you can dodge or ignore. As I said before, people are not motivated to flag bad actors unless something is really off so as great as it is to have a lot of reviews (which often supplement what you say about yourself in your profile), they don't tell the whole story so it is up to you to tell your story, control your narrative. You can be picky with who you play with and one should never be upset when someone isn't interested in you as turning you down is not nearly as bad as meeting up and having a play-date go south. Yes, get your needs met, if you've done your homework you will meet someone who wants to do that and in kind you should be focusing on meeting the needs of your play partner.

If I'm honest, only about 1% of people on here really understand this and that's really too bad. Shine your brightest most authentic self, it's ok, someone is looking for someone just like you so help them find you.

Översätt
Senaste redigerade 2025-01-25 02:49 av ChrisWrestling; 6 kommentar(er)
Permalink
96%

I did a couple videos on my youtube channel on choking that unfortunately had to be redone into a single video with so much walking on eggshells to shut down the comment section mafia that I felt the whole purpose was undermined. People felt I was being permissive but likely didn't hear me out to actually understand what I was saying so I will address it here.

I will start by stating plainly that choking people to any extent is never without risk of sudden death. Here are the ways that can happen:

1) Causing a blood clot to form or break free leading to a stroke
2) Rupturing an artery in the neck (more on this in a bit)
3) Triggering cardiac arrest
4) Triggering respiratory arrest
5) Causing an aneurysm
6) Rupturing an aneurysm
7) Vagus nerve stimulation can trigger a drop in BP

It's important to contextualize where people are coming from when they claim choking is safe. The BJJ and Judo communities tend to say that they get choked all the time without incident but this is unreliable anecdotal evidence (the lowest form on the hierarchy of evidence) and their comments misrepresent how much they actually get choked. When learning and drilling a choke we may put the pressure on for a couple seconds to ensure the technique is right but people are not repeatedly choking each other out or even getting anywhere close to that. In rolling we tap once we know a choke is good, same thing in a tournament. It's actually pretty rare that people go out in class or in competition. One of the few available studies was conducted on an online BJJ message board which is the worst way to conduct a study but that didn't stop BJJ publications to report on the findings as if they were fact rather than the random opinions of a comment section.

The kink community may be a better representation because choking for effect is more commonly the goal but most sources on the subject don't simply imply chokes are 100% safe, they outright say it and ignore the above mentioned risks.

On the flip side, however, it has been my impression that, particularly on artery ruptures, the medical community's views on the subject are based on instances of domestic violence rather than careful application of good technique. In fact there are very few studies available to fully understand the consequences of chokes which is largely due to the ethics surrounding doing such a study. Some research does suggest that choking does lead to brain injuries which can lead to cognitive impairment, anxiety, and depression. One study looking at college girls who reported being choked during sex showed minor signs of lowered mental acuity.

There is an ongoing mindset in our community that you can choke someone as much as you want as long as they don't go out, I disagree with this. When you hold a choke at a lighter level you inhibit the blood vessels leaving the brain but not the ones supplying blood. Anyone who has been choked will tell you that one of the symptoms of being choked is that the pressure in your head gets really high which can be one of the most intense parts of being choked. The strain on your veins and arteries can cause them to balloon leading to an aneurysm, meanwhile the blood trapped in your head becomes less and less oxygenated causing damage and your brain will tell your heart and lungs to work harder which can lead to cardiac fibrillation (meaning the heart freaks out and goes into a faulty rhythm which stops it from pumping effectively). This is called cardiac arrest and requires a defibrillator to stop. Most people don't just have one lying around.

Risk can be reduced. Dissection of the artery seems to be more of an issue of rubbing under tension from a hand on throat grip. Some BJJ influencers suggest turning the corner with your elbow in an RNC and while this may make it tighter on one side it can possibly increase the risk of arterial damage not to mention damage to the thyroid and trachea. The experience of passing out doesn't really change for the person going out so there's no reason to hold after they passout, this just increases the risk of complications. Likewise, the more someone is choked, especially in a single scene, the higher the risk.

So, for the prudes out there, no, I'm not going to say just don't do it as that won't convince everyone. I have stated the risks and those playing with choking may make a more informed decision about whether or not it's worth the risks to them. I will also say that the jobber is not the only one taking risk, there are legal ramifications if someone you were choking dies. Hopefully anyone doing this is CPR trained and would have no hesitation calling 911 if there is an emergency but you don't always know the quality of someone's character til they are faced with a medical emergency that can have legal repercussions for them.

Översätt
Senaste redigerade 2024-10-05 21:45 av ChrisWrestling; 6 kommentar(er)
Permalink
89%

Sending nudes

While I predict that this blog will be met with heavy criticism I think this is important to say.

In the era of Grindr and Sniffies the gay world seems to have become obsessed with the sharing of photos of dicks and buttholes as if those really are the only things that matter anymore. While I get it to a point on those platforms meetfighters and globalfight and whatever other platforms are out there for fighters, the people who are on these sites are generally looking for niche play. I, for one, am a legit grappler and rarely incorporate sexual play in my meetups because wrestling is about wrestling for me. I just spent a week in SF wrestling nearly every day and I would finish rough sessions high and satisfied and my depression has been nearly non-existent in the days following those matches. One of them did have crotch smothering and was semi-sexual but I never even saw the other guy's dick or butthole. I can't be alone on this but really, on this platform, those photos are irrelevant to me. As a spandex fetishist I would much rather see a bulge than a naked cock 9 times out of 10.

The second point I want to make on this, which is arguably more important, is that there is the issue of consent here as well. You don't go up to random people and flash your junk at them in the mall, so why do it here? Would it be so difficult to ask someone IF they want to see your bits before you send them? I'm not a prude by any stretch, I actually may be kinkier than most of y'all, but in the kink community consent is highly emphasized. For me, if I want that kind of play with you I will let you know, there will be enthusiastic consent which is what you want to look for. This is not an old school sentiment, the dialogue on consent has come more into focus in the Me Too era. Flashing your junk at anyone and everyone you might be a little interested in speaks to how little you value your other traits which I am far more interested in. It's disrespectful to those you send your nudes and it can be seen as sexual harassment. If you want to know who is the conservative dinosaur with the dated sensitivities, it's those who don't understand or respect other's ability to say no, I don't want to see that yet.

Översätt
Senaste redigerade 2024-10-03 22:00 av ChrisWrestling; 11 kommentar(er)
Permalink
93%